Get ready Mets fans. 2012 is going to be so good, the only player remotely related to 2012 in this video is Daniel Murphy. Yay. 

Some of the most treasured (and listened to) entries in my unnecessarily vast music collection are recordings of one person sitting in front of a piano and playing. That’s it. No Auto-tuning, hipping, hopping, bipping OR bopping. There is something about the idea of a person using a single instrument to fill up the vast silence of a room, and doing it well, that is endlessly appealing to me. With that, should you feel the need: 

The recordings are mostly live performances, adding an extra layer of spontaneity. 

So, during my recent exam preparation, I have unearthed an early work of legal scholarship that I penned in my first year of law school. It’s my poetic Torts outline. Prepare to be dazzled (read: bored and confused):

You harmed someone unintentionally. If you did it, and it made sense, and you shouldn’t have done it, and they are injured and sad, that’s too bad. 

But wait! If it had these traits, you’re okay, mate:

-if they hurt themselves a little bit, their big payday’s throat they slit

-if they took on the risk of being harmed in such a way, it’s not likely you’ll have to pay

-if their injury had no proximate cause, this should give opposing counsel pause

But hold on a second, my embattled friend; you’re not the only one who benefits from this trend. 

-if you broke a law doing what you did, breach and duty into their pouches slid

-if in dangerous activities you engaged, strict liability will have you enraged

-if someone else your canine bit, the only thing I can say is “tough freaking shit”

So say you lost your legal case; to your pockets the other side will race. How much will you have to pay, you ask? The answer will have you wanting to drink a cask. 

-It doesn’t matter if he’s made of clay; for all his medical expenses you must pay

-If his feelings are easily compromised, cash for that suffering must still be supplied

-If Aetna pays his medical costs, I’m sorry to say, your dough is still lost

-Let’s say our man is a CEO; if he misses work, your wallet won’t grow

Intentional Torts

What you’ve done is just deplorable; look at the man, you’ve smashed him to chlorophyll! 

Why, it’s seems you’ve encroached on a close of land; and you did, even if the trespass was the wave of your hand. 

Or maybe you shouted something particularly mean; if it caused them distress, your victim is probably seeing green.

It’s possible you locked someone out in your shed; if you did it on purpose, your trust fund is dead.

Maybe you had a good reason to do one of these; if you did, it can be only one of three:

-if there is an express agreement you both did sign, then he has no reason whatsoever to whine

-If at you threateningly someone did lunge, then it’s ok for your knife to plunge

-If you asked politely to do so beforehand, go on, give him a taste of your forehand

Torts here and torts there, everywhere you look. Why, they can probably happen in a breakfast nook!

But to torts, I’ll raise a glass of beer;  Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year. 

I found a fantastic photo set that depicts life in the Boro Park neighborhood of Brooklyn in during the 1970’s. It’s quite a vivid set. Here’s a couple of examples:

My personal favorite rendition of this holiday standard. 

Hey people. Look, I’m just a man. I am not a revolution.

You are the revolution.

The revolution you’re looking to be right now is a twitter revolution. 

Means: use the twitter hashtag #rumsfeldrule. Type inane, misguided things that don’t make any sense, framed in the style of a personal motto or piece of advice. Post to twitter.

Goal: Mildly annoy Donald Rumsfeld.

Why? Because.

Unleash!

Labor Day is thought of by many as the last day it is permissible to stand outside in a bathing suit all day, totally plastered, shoving hot dogs and ribs down one’s gullet. It is indeed, more, however. 

The ornery, yet classy, looking gentlemen above are the founders of the post-Civil War era secret society, the Knights of Labor. These men were dedicated to social and economic equality and worker rights at a time when Americans were in danger of becoming mechanized cogs in the Industrial Revolution. Without these fellows, generations could have been enslaved by ruthless corporate overlords. Including you.

Whether you love or hate unions, these dudes are part of the reason you have any rights at all while you toil to make a living wage. 

Now go get drunk and eat some pork rinds. 

…must have been awful. While we still read the classics, like Joyce and Shakespeare, today, Picard seemingly never had any interest in reading any literature from the twenty-first century to his time, the mid twenty-fourth century. Put down Shakespeare for a second, you’re skipping what I’m sure is 3 and a half centuries of decent literature!